the DAY i finally get the chance to blog

yeah.after two weeks,i got to write again but this time i'm writing from PASUM.

first week in PASUM was like HELL cause of the orientation thingy.seniors perasan bagus torture us and made all of us sleep at 2 and woke up at 5.activities involve singing and having stupid dance.i can't believe childish people still exist in UM.

its too boring to write.to be short,first week in PASUM was a NO-NO fun at all.

our hostel was in quite good condition.but what i can't bare is the toilet is too far.i'm already used to have toilet in my bedroom.now that i have to walk miles just to pee.really frustating la.

second week was more to HEAVEN.class 3 hours ja a day.but during those three hours,we suffered like no one care.lecturers give notes mcm bullet train.imgine we have to write and listen at the same time.i'll always end up not understanding anything.plus.if class starts at 8,we have to be there at 7.tons of people lining up at the door cause want to sit at the front row including boys.YES,boys.unfortunately.the sperms they have here are not the HUHAHUHA type.before class,they'll be memorizing physic formulae.arghhh,TOLONG!most people here are brains.no jocks,no wannabes,no bambis,no clique.it's a good thing but its too early to say right?

i miss home.

i miss friends.

till then.toodless.

btw,i'm coming back to alor star tonight.

love,sha.

i'm not the BRAVE type.

They say we leave this world just the way we came into it ---- naked and alone.

So, if we do leave with nothing, What then, is a measure of a life ? Is it defined by the people we choose to love ?

Or is life simply measured by our accomplishments ?

And what if we fail ? or are never truly loved ? What then ? Can we ever measure up ?

Or will the quiet desperation of a life gone wanting, Drive us mad ?

**i quoted this from one of my favourite tv shows,one tree hill.half of the class dah dpt jpa scholarship.i got it too but it is for accounting.it always been my dream to become a surgeon but the dream almost poof because of my spm result.my pa is giving me choices.i would have click yess for accountancy but don't you think i'm giving up on my dream.i don't want to end up regretting for not persuing my dream if i choose accountancy,especially when i'm seeing myself in 5 years,watching grey's anatomy,feeling all the regret not choosing medicine.
Most seniors are advising me to go for the accountancy.
I have a thing for medicine and i still want to do it.
so bye JPA,you're not my dream.i love my dream and i want it to happen so badly.
but LUCAS SCOTT is right,spending my life wanting is driving me mad.
being mad of it will be worthy if i succeed.i hope i would.

i'm always afraid of what i've chosen,i'll be more afraid if i can't find my own fairy tales ending.

like i said before,i'm not the brave type.

love,sha.

well-PLANNED peep

hmm.
i'm going to UM in less than a fortnight.
so today is the day where i drove to GIANT store with my two fav hangout buds,
AKMA and LIN.
nak beli toiletries.:-0
semangat nak masuk uni.normal la kan.

but WHY giant?
sbb HE works there,the USED TO BE MY DREAM GUY,hshs.
he works temp. dkat mbrown giant tu.
he just finished his one year course at a uni in phg.
so dia keja la kat situ.
seeing him in the red uniform.boleh tahannnn.haha
ok,i'm acting stupid,but thinking of him brings out all the childishness in me.

FYI people,i'm over him.
but who can erase the past kan?
he will always be there,anywhere,everywhere,
i need a brand new me to deal with all the crap from the past.
and i know i will do it greatly when i'm in a new place with new peeps.
i just need extra back-ups.tu ja.

till then.lots of muahss.

UNEXPECTED MEETING

can i CURSE myself right now????

how on earth i could end up having my lunch at pak hainan?
to tell the truth,i'm not a big FAN of pak hainan food.
today,suddenly,unpredictably,i've asked o'on and ayu.

*wei,wei jom p pak hainan,LAPAQLA!

we made a nice entrance to pak hainan and sat on one of the tables there.
i wasn't looking at the people except this one crazy guy who happen to look like kak syarah with
his curly hair.
xpala.then we started to crap pasai pak hainan when suddenly i heard a voice calling,SHA,SHA!
i turned around and saw him,the guy i thought that might be MY GUY back then when i was immatured,childish and stupid.somehow,things went wrong very badly and we end up not talking to each other for a very long time.
today.we met,we talked but i can't bare looking into his eyes.
too hurtful :-(


i hate it when i bump into my past.it hurts and not so much of a cherish moment.
pastu,duduk x senang,makan pun dah x best.
WHY ARE YOU HERE?
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO COME BACK?
WHY DO YOU HAVE TO SHOW UP?


go away.i'm letting the thoughts of you go too.
shuh.shuh.shuh.please.

the GUILT is killing me.

last night,abah told me to book a flight to Kl.
i wasn't in school anymore.OBVIOUSLY,it would be hard for me to remember all the dates.
he is suppose to fly on 29th.
somehow recklessly,i booked on the 30th.
dahla,he's in urgent.

i told him bout my mistake.
he laughed and said in his sarcasm tone*aihh,suruh buat benda kecik pun boleh silap adoih*
do you know how much it hurts??
i cried all night wishing that i can leave the house early.
go futher my study,have my own life,no more people putting blame on me.
seriously,i can't handle all the blame anymore.its killing me.
it killed me once and now its happening again.

PEOPLE ALWAYS LEAVE

the CHEER,the LAUGH,the FUN.

it is something we used to have.but like a song. every song has its end.but doesn't mean we can't enjoy it. AWEEN's going. she's going to sign up for this JPA japanese school this coming tuesday. crap,i'm starting feeling the emptiness when there is no longer stupid questions coming from her mouth. furthering studies maybe EXCITING but being futher apart from each other after almost a decade of friendship is PAINFUL. some people may think we are cliqy.but thats who we are. we stood up for each other.
if u're not okay with it,you do not belong here. get yourself a small world where people with no brain live in there.

TO MISS FAZWEEN RUZAMIL
i'm having too much fun when i'm with you.
i'm glad i met you last 10 years.
now u're leaving,all my best wishes are with you.
have fun at the new place.muahs
lots of love.